Two posts!

Wow, a second post! I can't tell you the number of times I've tried to start a blog, and it's just floundered before it's even begun. My brain goes down all the avenues of problems and failure, and I just decide it's better to sit on my hands. 

Today is Day 5 of the reduction in fluoxetine. I saw my psychiatrist and CPN (community psychiatric nurse) last Friday, and we made a plan of how we're going to go about the whole situation of coming off meds, what we'll do if it goes badly, and what we're ideally going to do. It's going to be 10-12 weeks of very gradual reduction for the fluoxetine, and even then I'm struggling. There have been two previous attempts on my part, to reduce this medication, and both have ended with me literally sobbing and rocking in a corner of my lounge by day 4. 

I'm starting to feel a little edgy now. I have had the odd vision of a bird flying past my eyes, even though I'm inside. It's something that happened frequently before the anti-psychotics, so I'm hoping it's just my brain settling with less of the fluoxetine. I am intolerably tired, although I can't establish if that's meds related or not. It's a battle of wills in my brain as to wanting to just stick with my 'happy' dosage, and reduce because we, as a family, have bigger plans. 

I am super proud of myself for managing to get out and do my Aquafit session this morning. Even at my best, I am terrible at being able to leave the house. I find social interaction so difficult because I am far too sensitive and read into details that just aren't there. It's less physically and mentally taxing to just cope with my own company, although it's still a challenge.

Today is quiet for another couple of hours whilst Squash is enjoying nursery. I am so grateful that I have a wonderful childcare provider, who puts me at great ease when I leave him.

I'm hoping my thoughts and words will become less higgledy piggledy as I get used to actually writing the craziness down! Please bear with me.


Vix Xx